I Face the Ocean While Spring's in Bloom
人土土译
Starting tomorrow, I'll be a happy person
I'll feed horses, chop some wood, and travel the world
Starting tomorrow, I'll tend crops and vegetables
My house faces the ocean while Spring's in bloom
Starting tomorrow, I'll write to my loved ones
And tell them of my happiness
I will tell them everything that
The lightning of happiness struck me with
I'll give each river and mountain a warm cosy name
Stranger, I'll wish you well too
May your future be bright
May you find happiness in this world and
Live happily ever after
I only wish to face the ocean while Spring's in bloom
Facing the sea with spring blossoms
网友译
From tomorrow on, I will be a happy man;
Grooming, chopping, and travelling all over the world.
From tomorrow on, I will care foodstuff and vegetable,
Living in a house towards the sea, with spring blossoms.
From tomorrow on, write to each of my dear ones,
Telling them of my happiness,
What the lightening of happiness has told me,
I will spread it to each of them.
Give a warm name for every river and every mountain,
Strangers, I will also wish you happy
May you have a brilliant future!
May your lovers eventually become spouse!
May you enjoy happiness in this earthly world!
I only wish to face the sea, with spring flowers blossoming.
 
Facing the sea with spring blossoms
许景城译
From tomorrow onwards, I will be a man of happiness
Grooming the horse, splitting the firewood, and voyaging around the globe
From tomorrow onwards, grains and vegetables will be my concerns
And I’ll harbor a house, facing the sea, with spring blossoms
From tomorrow onwards, corresponding with my kin
I will impart them of my happiness
Disseminate to everyone
What the blissful lightening has confided me
And excogitate the cosy names for rills and hills
I will also pray for you, strangers:
Wish you a glorious future!
Wish you a happy marriage!
Wish you happiness from this mundane world!
And yet facing the sea with spring blossoms is my mere wish
Looking out to sea, warmed by the spring air
John Sexton译
Starting tomorrow, I’ll be carefree and happy
Roaming the world, feeding my horse, chopping firewood
Starting tomorrow, I’ll need nothing but rice and a few vegetables
In my house by the sea, warmed by the spring air
Starting tomorrow, I will write to all my loved ones
To tell them of my happiness
Of how happiness struck me like a lightning bolt
I will tell this to each of them
I want to rename all the rivers and mountains
Bring happiness to all strangers
May they all have a brilliant future
May all lovers find a way to be together
And everyone find happiness in their time on earth
All I want is to look out to sea, warmed by the spring air
面朝大海，春暖花开
海子
从明天起，做一个幸福的人
喂马、劈柴，周游世界
从明天起，关心粮食和蔬菜
我有一所房子，面朝大海，春暖花开
从明天起，和每一个亲人通信
告诉他们我的幸福
那幸福的闪电告诉我的
我将告诉每一个人
给每一条河每一座山取一个温暖的名字
陌生人，我也为你祝福
愿你有一个灿烂的前程
愿你有情人终成眷属
愿你在尘世获得幸福
我只愿面朝大海，春暖花开
自评：
第四个版本
读起来最通顺，个人觉得其一是笔者外语译母语，其二因为有一些篡改，可我觉得修改后有些平庸。
比如幸福的闪电——happiness struck me like a lightning bolt，英文变成了‘幸福像闪电击中了我’。
改动使英文变得好听的是i'll need nothing but rice and a few vegetables——‘从明天起，我只需吃一点米饭和一点蔬菜’但是否意思变动过多？（悄悄说，海子原文我没看懂，不好翻关心粮食和蔬菜）
Bring happiness to all strangers—— ‘我想……带给所有陌生人幸福’这句是原文我觉得很好听的陌生人，我也祝福你
以及后面全部变成第三人称的They也是失去味道，中文是愿你 英文是‘愿他们’。
第三个版本
英文选了许多不常用的词，但海子原文是很通俗的。如voyage. harbour a house. impart them. disseminate（这个最糟糕，开发布会的感觉）。blissful lightning和pray for you是这个版本的亮点。
第二个版本
精彩的是用spread这个动词‘幸福的闪电告诉我的，我将告诉他们每个人’spread代替告诉，仿佛把闪电要分享给大家，大赞！我们其他人的版本都是用了tell，动感远远没有这位网友足！
可惜的是语法太多问题。还有grooming和chopping后面不加名词的话，读者不会知道这是在groom什么chop什么，很容易联想到在砍刚刚groom的动物……
我的版本
关心粮食的这个关心真的是，不知海子具体想说什么，我用了tend crops and vegetables，变成了去种地种菜……字本身还有照顾的意思。
I face the ocean while spring's in bloom，这句话我大言不惭地认为比其他译者的好，也是因为动词。Bloom。盛开。头两位译者选择了名词spring blossoms‘春天的花朵’，我们仨都没有翻译‘暖’。第三位选择了直接忽略花开，只译了春暖。
有情人终成眷属我译成happily ever after，每一个童话故事结尾都会说‘从此，公主与王子 就这样幸福美满的生活下去了’，我觉得是比较贴切文化的翻译。
总结
面朝大海，春暖花开这句话是整首诗的亮点，可惜太难翻成美丽又利落的英文，所以这首诗变成英文不是特别出彩。正如许多古体诗译成英文黯然失色。可惜可惜。
几个美好祝愿翻成英文也颇为无力。
最后：动词很重要！
谢谢任何愿意读到这里的有心人。
期待大家来评论探讨！ |
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