青杏
文/寒冰
译 /李一凡

杏花落了有一段时间后
蚕豆大的青杏就藏在叶间
和穿过叶间碎碎的光捉迷藏
像胖乎乎的婴儿
满身绒毛

目光在绿色的叶与杏间游走
一颗酸酸的沉思
挂上指尖

小满的到来膨胀了杏的心房
脱去一身绒毛
酸涩淡去，青色淡去
发黄，变红
在阳光里亮亮的笑着
渐渐裹满甜蜜

多像浓缩的人生
走过青紫
夕阳中
越来越薄的日子
透着殷红的甜

The green apricot

By HongMei Yang
Translator YiFan Li

After the fall of the apricot blossom,
the green apricot in broad bean size hides herself in the leaves.
She creeps through the slight beams trying to have someone playing Hide And Seek with.

Looking like a chubby baby，she is covered with the villus over her body.
When giving the glimpses of the green leaves and apricots, she lures herself into a sentimental moment.

The arrival of Gain Full stirrs her mind up.
Her dress of villus is
slouchy

Her sour body turns into the sweet one, while the skin turns to be orange.

In a little while, she starts to smile at the sunshine when having realized that she has been dressed up in sweetness as her new clothes.

Little thing, isn't your story quite like the epitome of life?

We may meet sorrows or joys in the journey of life.
Life can be simple though, we still feel the sweetness if the sun keeps shining

赏读学习。原文好可爱。
译文读起来很被动，没有原文那种利落。可能是介词太多了？

另：villus虽然是绒毛的意思，但是医学词汇，专指小肠内的绒毛……所以并不会有‘胖乎乎婴儿的绒毛’那种画面感

绒毛或许可直译成soft fur、soft hair

After the fall of the apricot blossom,
the green apricot in broad bean size hides herself in the leaves.
She creeps through the slight beams trying to have someone playing Hide And Seek with.
Looking like a chubby baby，she is covered with the villus over her body.
——————
很喜欢原文的活泼感，所以胆改了一下第一段，欢迎探讨！我觉得李译者采用一个‘她’来描述您原文集体的‘杏’，是个有意思的尝试。

After the apricot blossoms fell,
Bean-sized green apricots hide among leaves,
Playing hide and seek with the glittering sunlight,
Like chubby babies, covered with soft hairs.

人土土 发表于 2021-1-24 14:45
After the fall of the apricot blossom,
the green apricot in broad bean size hides herself in the le ...

一大早到这里来，为的是“混个脸熟”！

       此时此刻的感觉：我就像坐在车厢里，傻呵呵地瞅着听着陌生旅客唠嗑......自得其乐！

我自信：此举不会讨人烦！

来到这里，如同走进花园，赏心悦目！

     欣赏土土老师的跟帖点评——真实、可信、可敬！

     学习译者好贴！

东方朔南 发表于 2021-1-25 10:28
一大早到这里来，为的是“混个脸熟”！

       此时此刻的感觉：我就像坐在车厢里，傻呵呵地瞅着听着 ...

老师早！
花园这个词赞。 一首诗就是一座花园，诗人是园丁（还是插花者呢？）文字是花。可以观看整体也可以只看某一朵，叫不出名字的花儿也能被欣赏。

感谢人土土 版主老师，您的翻译更加精准

寒冰 发表于 2021-1-26 02:56
感谢人土土 版主老师，您的翻译更加精准

每位译者风格不同！也感谢您接纳我的尝试。