我觉得她应该是女字旁的她
人土土译/Leyla Josephine
我觉得她应该是女字旁的她。
不。
我知道她是个‘她’，她本该会长得像我。
鼓鼓的脸颊、黄褐色的眼。我本该在夜里将她一头浓密的棕发编织成梦。
我会在她卧室天花板上贴满荧光的星星，然后告诉她这些是在夜里保护她的萤火虫。
我会给她讲她外公的故事
我们会去公园喂天鹅。
她本该会长得也像你，四肢纤细
嘴角似笑非笑，脚踩最新款的跑鞋。
她肯定会很坚强，反正比我坚强
我会把我母亲教育我的全都教给她
我会带她去各种博物馆，带她看已成为化石的恐龙
她会好奇这些早于她出生的事物。
她本可以出生的。
我会在墙上留出给她量身高的空隙。
我会做一个好母亲、好榜样。
但我也会支持她选择的权利。
选择她想要的生活，她想走的路。
我会用生命来捍卫她的权力，正如她为我的而死。
很遗憾，你出现的时间不对。
我不羞愧。我不羞愧。我不羞愧。
那时我还是个小女生，我爱的男孩在我双腿之间。
偷懒假期和补贴对计划生育没有帮助。
我是那三分之一。我是那三分之一。我是那三分之一。
我不得不砍断了那颗小樱桃树
那颗在我血液中生根发芽，在我脑中绽放的树。
一种我这年龄无法且无力承受的责任。
树枝的阴影遮蔽整个花园。
树皮让我的思想和心坚定。
我不羞愧。我不羞愧。我不羞愧。
满满的空虚，麻木也很沉重。
别总试图用NHS的传单来告诉我该做何感想。
我有权感受所有感受，我有感受权。
如今我是个女人了，我是铁打的，
而她曾并非女孩也并非男孩。
那些扯淡的观点只是为了让你远离议院，并陷进产假里。
你别跟我念叨‘杀人啦’。
每年7万。每年7万。每年7万。
都死了。
一天192个。
因为衣架、止疼药，因为去了黑诊所。
你别跟我念叨‘杀人了’。
全世界都在做作业似的做人流，
都在我们掌心上找答案，在突起的肚子上，在耳边喃喃声中，
找来找去只有问号一堆。
女性在历史上被隐去。
毕竟历史是History。
His-他，story-故事。
那这是Herstory，是她的故事，我们的故事，靠，
这是我的story，我的故事。
我不会用铅笔写完后，又带着愧疚感擦除。
我会用圆珠笔写，然后充满勇气地念出来。
你会在去上班的途中从收音机里听到，你会在课上学到，
你会在咖啡店的布告栏上读到，旁边就贴着婴儿瑜伽课的广告。
因为我不羞愧，我不羞愧，我不羞愧。
如今我是个女人了。
我不会被驯服。
我有决心让这个决定依旧带来某种新生。
决定不会被辜负。
这是我的身体。这是我的身体。这是我的身体。
我不在乎你那无知的看法
我何时初为人母，由我来定。
I think she was a she.
Leyla Josephine
I think she was a she.
No.
I know she was a she and I think that she would have looked just like me.
full cheeks, hazel eyes and thick brown hair that I could have plated into dreams at night.
I would have stuck glow up stars on her ceiling and told her they were fireflies to protect her from the dark.
I would have told her stories about her grandfather
we could have fed the swans at the park.
She would have been like you too, long limbs
with a sarcastic smile and the newest pair of kicks.
She would have been tough, tougher than I ever was
and I would have taught her all that my mother taught me
and I would have taken her to all the museums and there she could see the bone dinosaurs
and look to them and wonder about all the things that came before she was born.
She could have been born.
I would have made sure that we had a space on the wall to measure her height as she grew.
I would have made sure I was a good mother to look up to.
But I would have supported her right to choose.
To choose a life for herself, a path for herself.
I would have died for that right, just like she died for mine.
I’m sorry but you came at the wrong time.
I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed.
I am so sick of keeping these words contained.
I am not ashamed.
I was a teenage girl with a boy she loved between her thighs that felt very far away.
Duvet days and dole don’t do family planning well.
I am one in three. I am one in three. I am one in three.
I had to carve down that little cherry tree
that had rooted itself in my blood and blossomed in my brain.
A responsibility I didn’t have the energy or age to maintain.
The branches casting shadows over the rest of the garden.
The bark causing my thoughts, my heart to harden.
I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed.
It’s a hollowness, that feels full, a numbness that feels heavy.
stop trying to fit how this feels on an NHS bereavement brochure already.
I am allowed to feel it all, I am allowed to feel.
I am woman now, I am made of steel,
and she wasn’t a girl and she wasn’t a boy.
That’s just the bullshit you receive to keep you out of parliament and stuck on maternity leave.
Don’t you mutter murder on me.
70,000 per year. 70,000 per year. 70,000 per year.
Dead.
Thats’s 192 per day.
from coat hangers, painkillers, the back alley way way.
Don’t you mutter murder on me.
Worldwide performing abortion like homework,
looking for the answer in the groves in our palms, the bulges on our bellies, the whispers in our ears,
only to be confronted with question marks.
Women have been hidden away in the history books.
After all it’s history.
His story.
Well this is herstory, ourstory, god damn it,
this is my story
and it wont be written in pencil and erased with guilt.
It will be written in pen and spoken with courage.
You will hear it on the radio on your way to work, you will study it in English,
you will read it on the coffee shops bulletin boards next to the flyer about yoga for babies.
Because I am not ashamed, I am not ashamed, I am not ashamed.
I am woman now.
I will not be tamed.
I have determination that this termination will still have a form of creation.
It will not be wasted.
this is my body. this is my body. this is my body.
I don’t care about your ignorant views
when I become a mother, it will be when i choose.
——————
心血来潮搜了关于abortion的诗，谷歌前3页都是谴责堕胎女性的诗。很多以未出生胚胎的身份来写。甚至我搜‘pro-choice’，出现的文章和诗歌也还是‘pro-life’的。
我不支持堕胎，但我相信也没有哪个女性是随随便便做出这个选择的。如果真有，那该被谴责的该是这类人啊。
唉。为什么被骂的，被禁锢的只有准妈妈？
佩服这位作者敢说出自己的经历。希望性教育多多普及。 |
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没事做可以回来读读，那我改成谢谢林兄来访~
误解了，大雾大雾！
大牛，别默默的看了，快登录帮我点评一下吧！:)
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