强迫症
作者：Neil Hilborn
译者：人土土
初次见到她时
脑中噪音全部静止
那些抽动和不断在刷新的画面
全部静止
强迫症患者是不得安宁的
哪怕躺床上我也时刻在想：
我锁门了吗？嗯
我洗手了吗？嗯
我锁门了吗？嗯
我洗手了吗？嗯
当我看到她时我却只能想着
她嘴角上扬的弧度
和她脸上的睫毛——
脸上的睫毛——
脸上的睫毛
我知道自己必须和她搭话
三十秒内我约了她六次
第三次时她已答应
但我自己感觉不对必须一直问下去
第一次约会时
我在按颜色整理自己的食物上花了
比起吃饭
比起和她聊天
都他妈多的时间
但她说她喜欢这样
她喜欢我每次吻别要吻十六次
二十四是周三的次数
她喜欢我每次都要花很长时间回家
因为回家的路上
地面上有很多裂纹
我们搬到一起住时她说她感到很安全
肯定不会有人闯进来因为门我锁了十八次
每次她说话时我都会注视她的唇
她说话时——
她说话时——
她说话时
她说话时
她说她爱我时嘴角会翘起
夜里她躺在床上看着我把灯全部关掉——然后
打开，关掉，打开，关掉，打开，关掉，打开，关掉，
打开，关掉，打开，关掉，打开，关掉，打开，关掉，
打开，关掉，打开，关掉，打开，关掉
她闭上眼想象这是交替的日与夜
在她眼前飞逝
有的早晨里我和她吻别但她却转身离开
因为我会害她上班迟到
当我走在街上停在裂纹前时她会继续前行
她说她爱我时嘴角没有任何弧度
她说我占用太多她的时间
上周她开始去她母亲家过夜
她说她不应该让我习惯她
她说这段感情是个错误
可我触摸她之后从不用洗手这样怎么会是错误
爱情不是错误
我好心痛
她可以从中逃走而我却不能
我不能
我不能去寻找一段新的感情因为我总在想她
当强迫症逼我去想一件事时
我看到的是想要入侵我的细菌
一辆辆压过我的汽车
而她是第一个卡在我脑海里的美丽事物
我希望每天早晨醒来都可以去想
她握方向盘的方式
她像开保险柜似的去拧浴室把手
她吹灭蜡烛的姿势
吹灭蜡烛——
吹灭蜡烛——
吹灭蜡烛——
吹灭蜡烛——
吹灭——
如今
我只是在想谁在亲吻她
我快窒息因为他只会亲她一次——
他才不在意感觉是否完美！
我好想她回来
我不去锁门
我不去关灯
The first time I saw her...
Everything in my head went quiet.
All the tics, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared.
When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments.
Even in bed, I’m thinking:
Did I lock the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
Did I lock the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips..
Or the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek.
I knew I had to talk to her.
I asked her out six times in thirty seconds.
She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going.
On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or fucking talking to her...
But she loved it.
She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday.
She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk.
When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times.
I’d always watch her mouth when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked
when she talked;
when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges.
At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off..
And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off.
She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her.
Some mornings I’d start kissing her goodbye but she’d just leave cause I was
just making her late for work...
When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking...
When she said she loved me her mouth was a straight line.
She told me that I was taking up too much of her time.
Last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place.
She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but...
How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touched her?
Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t.
I can’t – I can’t go out and find someone new because I always think of her.
Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin.
I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars...
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.
I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel..
How she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe.
How she blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out…
Now, I just think about who else is kissing her.
I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once — he doesn’t care if it’s perfect!
I want her back so bad...
I leave the door unlocked.
I leave the lights on.
译者注：此诗是Slam poetry
网上解释：
＂Poetry Slam＂是「口述藝術」（Spoken Word Art）的其中一種，是美國很盛行的詩作朗誦比賽形式。 中文並沒有一個統一的翻譯，讓我姑且稱之為「尬詩擂台」吧！ 「尬詩擂台」，源自1984 年美國詩人Marc Smith 於芝加哥的Get Me High Lounge 舉辦之活動。
个人觉得比较像情感充沛、富有节奏的诗歌朗诵，大家可以上网搜视频看，很有力量。本作是我第一次接触这个形式的诗歌。
感谢审核老师！您辛苦。 |
|
大牛，别默默的看了，快登录帮我点评一下吧！:)
登录 立即注册