（请各位阅读此诗时饶起舌来，一起嘻哈！）

电视机

一说起有关孩子的事
最重要的就是
永远别让他们靠近你的电视
最佳办法是从一开始
你就别去安装 这破装置

我曾去拜访过的每家每户
都有孩子望着电视口呆瞪目
含胸驼背 脖子前倾
看看看 看到眼珠掉出 落在客厅
上周地毯上我就找到了十只眼睛

他们目不转睛 纹丝不动
眼睛通红 头脑被掏空
又被垃圾填满
确实这样他们会安静整晚
不去调皮捣蛋
让你可以好好做饭
不过先别忙着洗碗
来认真思考看看
你家小宝贝的小脑瓜在如何运转

电视会毁掉他脑袋
想象力被淘汰
思维被毁坏
童话世界不再精彩
因为他幻想不来
大脑退化成一颗白菜
思考能力生锈后要怎么加载
他将只会转动眼球 不懂转动脑袋

“行了行了！”你喊道
“但电视机拿走以后要
拿什么来娱乐我家宝宝
你快给我说道说道”
答案是在有这破玩意儿来作妖
之前的老老少少
是为什么不吵不闹
你是否还记得起 想得到

对 我们一起大声说
他们以前会看书看书看书
然后再阅读阅读阅读
书本能堆满一整屋
地上 床边 都是等着被翻阅的书
简直大半辈子人都是在书里住

那么多精彩有趣的故事！
有关恐龙 公主 小王子和大力士
还有寻宝 解谜 神秘岛屿
穿紫裤衩的海盗拎着袋狗屎
在念什么咒语好像会开启某个密室

小孩子有哈利波特
大孩子有兰尼斯特
还有彼得那只兔子 维尼那只小熊
乌龟可以倒过来拼写
乌鸦可以叼石子喝水
老了 那些张口就可以报出一串书名的嘴
老了 曾经的孩子们都老了

所以我求求你拜托你
去扔掉电视机
空出来的地方可以用书柜代替
忽视孩子们会发的脾气
别管他们怎么对你拳打脚踢
因为我保证不出三五日
的百无聊赖 他们就会饥渴难耐渴望读上几个字
而一旦开始就容易沉迷
你就等着瞧他们满心欢喜
完全忘记 那个电什么来的机
很久以后他们会因为你的制止
而更加爱你




（哟哟切克闹）
————————

TV
Roald Dahl

The most important thing we've learned,
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them near your television set –

Or better still, just don't install
The idiotic thing at all.
In almost every house we've been,
We've watched them gaping at the screen.

They loll and slop and lounge about,
And stare until their eyes pop out.
(Last week in someone's place we saw
A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)

They sit and stare and stare and sit
Until they're hypnotised by it,
Until they're absolutely drunk
With all that shocking ghastly junk.

Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,
They don't climb out the window sill,
They never fight or kick or punch,
They leave you free to cook the lunch
And wash the dishes in the sink --
But did you ever stop to think,
To wonder just exactly what
This does to your beloved tot?

IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!
HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!
HE CANNOT THINK -- HE ONLY SEES!

'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,
'But if we take the set away,
What shall we do to entertain
Our darling children? Please explain!'
We'll answer this by asking you,
'What used the darling ones to do?
'How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?'
Have you forgotten? Don't you know?

We'll say it very loud and slow:
THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,
AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
One half their lives was reading books!
The nursery shelves held books galore!
Books cluttered up the nursery floor!
And in the bedroom, by the bed,
More books were waiting to be read!

Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
And treasure isles, and distant shores
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
And pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be?
Good gracious, it's Penelope.)

The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-
Just How The Camel Got His Hump,
And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-
Oh, books, what books they used to know,
Those children living long ago!

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks-
Fear not, because we promise you
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They'll now begin to feel the need
Of having something to read.
And once they start -- oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen
They'll wonder what they'd ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did.



————————




译者的唠叨


我，不太会押韵，为了这首诗特意去搜了押韵软件……我明明很认真！却不知作品怎么就变成了一首嘻哈歌曲？？？？可能是因为太大白话了……

第四段里，我把原文“大脑=奶酪”换成了大白菜。为了在韵。奶酪=脑袋有坑。我的白菜=脑沟回平了！还挺吻合的是吧。

第七段第八段有很多译者的自我发挥。
把自己童年接触过的东西放进去了。

我把beatrix potter大神换成了哈利波特，看到potter实在忍不住！兰尼斯特=Lannister family，权利游戏里的。
我在下句用兔子代替了松鼠。
原作里没有说beatrix大神的这一著作：彼得兔。由于改编成电影了，所以我擅自觉得这只兔子应该比Nutkin松鼠更众人皆知。

接下来原作提到的两个西方典故我替换成了中国的乌鸦喝水和原作者本人的故事《esiotrot》，即乌龟倒过来念——tortoise。这本书刚好是我小时候第一本读的roald dahl著作。

感谢阅读到这里的人。
Thanks for reading, brah.

有些心累，花了三个多小时翻，刚发现网上有个版本还不错！尤其喜欢我加粗的部分，好贴切原文，又都押韵，还不嘻哈！！学习了。


Television 电视
Roald Dahl 罗尔德 达尔（英）
（译者应该是位叫peter的网友）

The most important thing we've learned, 我们所了解的一事最为重要
So far as children are concerned, 孩子们要我们来多多关照
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let  永远永远永远别让
Them near your television set –让他们靠近电视机旁
Or better still, just don't install 或者更好，干脆就不要安装
The idiotic thing at all. 这愚蠢的家当
In almost every house we've been,在几乎我们住的每一所房子里面
We've watched them gaping at the screen.我们观察到他们对着屏幕瞪眼观看
They loll and slop and lounge about, 他们闲靠着晃来晃去懒洋洋
And stare until their eyes pop out. 盯着屏幕直到要把眼珠瞪出眼眶
(Last week in someone's place we saw（上星期在一个人的家里我们看见
A dozen eyeballs on the floor.) 十二个眼球在地板上面）
They sit and stare and stare and sit 他们坐着瞪着瞪着坐着
Until they're hypnotised by it, 直到他们被电视催眠
Until they're absolutely drunk 直到他们完全痴迷
With all that shocking ghastly junk. 对这些可怕的令人厌恶的垃圾
Oh yes, we know it keeps them still, 哦是的，我们知道它使他们安静
They don't climb out the window sill, 他们不会爬出窗台
They never fight or kick or punch, 他们从不干仗拳打脚踢
They leave you free to cook the lunch 他们把做午餐的时间都留给你
And wash the dishes in the sink –并让你在水槽中洗刷碗盘
But did you ever stop to think, 但是你可曾停下来想想
To wonder just exactly what 去好好想想
This does to your beloved tot?这给你心爱的小孩带来什么
IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!  它使感觉在头脑中腐烂
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!  它使想象力彻底完蛋
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND! 它堵塞心智使思想混乱
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND 它使孩子迟钝盲然
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND  他不再懂得仙境
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND! 他不再理解梦幻
HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE! 他的大脑变得像奶酪一样柔软
HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE! 他思考的力量冻结、锈迹斑斑
HE CANNOT THINK -- HE ONLY SEES!  他无法思考—他只会看
'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say, “好吧！”你会说！“好吧！”你会叫喊！
'But if we take the set away, “但如果我们把电视搬走，
What shall we do to entertain 我们将拿什么来娱乐
Our darling children? Please explain!' 我们亲爱的小孩？”请解释一番
We'll answer this by asking you, 我们向你提问就作为对此的答案
'What used the darling ones to do? “ 过去这些亲爱的孩子都做些什么
'How used they keep themselves contented  过去他们怎样使自己获得心安
Before this monster was invented?' 在这个怪物被发明之前？”
Have you forgotten? Don't you know? 难到你不知道吗？还是你已经遗忘？
We'll say it very loud and slow: 我们会大声地慢慢地说出：
THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,他们曾经阅读，他们阅读又阅读
AND READ and READ, and then proceed  再阅读、还是阅读，然后继续
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks! 更多的阅读。好家伙！天哪！
One half their lives was reading books! 他们一半的生命都在读书！
The nursery shelves held books galore! 托儿所的架子上摆满了书！
Books cluttered up the nursery floor! 书摆乱了托儿所的地板！
And in the bedroom, by the bed,在卧室里，在床边，
More books were waiting to be read! 更多的书正等待着被看！
Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales 那些奇妙的好听的异想天开的传说
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales 关于飞龙，吉普赛、王后和鲸鱼
And treasure isles, and distant shores 还有埋有宝藏的群岛，和遥远的海岸
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars, 在那儿，走私者用消音桨划船
And pirates wearing purple pants, 还有穿着紫色短裤的海盗
And sailing ships and elephants, 还有大象和帆船
And cannibals crouching 'round the pot, 食人族蹲伏在锅边
Stirring away at something hot. 把热乎乎的东西搅拌
(It smells so good, what can it be?（它闻起来那么美妙，它会是什么？
Good gracious, it's Penelope.（天哪，它是佩内洛普）
The younger ones had Beatrix Potter 年轻一点的读着比阿特丽克斯·波特
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter, 书中有那肮脏的无赖，先生托德   
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland, 还有松鼠纳特金，小猪布兰德
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and- 迪基温克尔太太，还有
Just How The Camel Got His Hump, 骆驼怎样得到了他的驼峰
And How the Monkey Lost His Rump, 猴子如何失掉了他的屁股
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul, 还有蛤蟆先生，天晓得！
There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole- 还有老鼠先生和鼹鼠
Oh, books, what books they used to know, 哦，书籍，他们曾经知道什么样的书籍
Those children living long ago! 那些生活在很久以前的孩子！
So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, 所以请您，哦，请您，我们乞求，我们祈祷
Go throw your TV set away,去把你们的电视机扔掉
And in its place you can install 在原处你可以安放
A lovely bookshelf on the wall. 一个美丽的书架在墙上
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,然后，在架子上摆满好多的书
Ignoring all the dirty looks, 不要管那些脏兮兮面庞       （人土土注：这里可能理解有误，dirty looks = 厌恶憎恨的表情，并非字面意思）
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks, 那些尖声和叫喊，那些踢腾和咬伤
And children hitting you with sticks- 孩子们拿着棍子打你
Fear not, because we promise you 不要怕，因为我们向您保证
That, in about a week or two不过一周或两周
Of having nothing else to do, 他们就无其他的事情可做
They'll now begin to feel the need 他们现在开始感觉
Of having something to read.去需要读点东西
And once they start -- oh boy, oh boy! 一旦他们开始—哦孩子，哦孩子！
You watch the slowly growing joy 你看到了慢慢增长的乐趣
That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen 它充满他们的心。他们将变得那样热衷
They'll wonder what they'd ever seen 他们将对他们看到的
In that ridiculous machine, 在那个荒唐的机器里
That nauseating, foul, unclean, 那个令人作呕、邪恶、肮脏
Repulsive television screen! 令人厌恶的电视屏幕里的东西充满怀疑
And later, each and every kid 后来，每一个孩子
Will love you more for what you did. 将会为您所做的一切，更加爱你

非常有趣的一首诗，包括两个翻译。

大河原 发表于 2020-7-9 15:03
非常有趣的一首诗，包括两个翻译。

谢谢大河师友来欣赏儿童文学作家的天马行空~

我们家没配置电视机

荣润生 发表于 2020-7-17 21:31
我们家没配置电视机

机智哈哈！不过比起当年让罗达尔看不惯的电视剧，现代人的屏幕反而更多了

原文有押韵，但换成中文不见得很好押，也不见得一定要去凑这个韵。
翻译的很活灵活现，嘻哈起来。

刘勇谅 发表于 2020-7-19 08:22
原文有押韵，但换成中文不见得很好押，也不见得一定要去凑这个韵。
翻译的很活灵活现，嘻哈起来。

哈哈哈 有理，谢谢刘老师一起来嘻哈，也感谢夸奖！原文的韵实在是神了，各人感觉西方儿童作者对文字的节奏和声调掌握的特别好，所以实在不舍得丢掉这个特点

人土土 发表于 2020-7-19 09:29
哈哈哈 有理，谢谢刘老师一起来嘻哈，也感谢夸奖！原文的韵实在是神了，各人感觉西方儿童作者对文字的节 ...

我也是同学，哈哈。慢慢来，修改打磨。